UPDATE:
PSA from Yours Truly

I got shot in the eye. Yeah, shot. In the eye. It hurt and stung.

The deed was done with an airsoft gun; 'twas an accident, and I don't blame anyone.

There's bruising, corneal abrasion, and slight hyphema.

What's more is, I'm legally blind in my right eye now. That's right. Blind. I can't even read E on the top of the chart. The best I can see clearly is... oh, a handspan away from my eye. Beyond that is blurry.

So, now I'm on some sort of dilatory medication referred to as Pred Forte. Basically, it's a muscle relaxant to try to prevent rebleeding. If you're curious about anything, drop me a line; I can explain.

The prognosis is good. Not "We'll see," or "We can try this," but "I'm fairly certain you'll be able to see out of that eye again in the future." Optimistic. I'm prepared for any outcome. I only need one eye, right? You only really need two for those pesky things like... driving.

P.S. I don't want your prayers, and I don't want your goddessdamn pity. However, it is a potentially life-changing event, so... I thought you should know.

"Got up early; found somethin's missin':
My only name..
No one else sees, but I got stuck...
Since forever came.
Stop pushing moon for just a second.
Then, nothing's changed.
Who am I, this time, where's my name?
I guess it crept away.

No one's calling for me at the door,
and unpredictable won't bother anymore.
Silently, it's harder to ignore,
But straight ahead,
There's nothing left to see.
What's done is done;
This life has got its hold on me.
Just let it go, one man can never be.

I forgot
That I might see
So many
Beautiful things.
I forgot
That I might need
To find out
What life could bring.

Beautiful Things."
Andain - Beautiful Things

Life's on the rise again. I see my darling Drew passing through my list more often. I get to talk to Pip again - I value our chats immensely, vivace or adagio. The ever amazing Popsicle found Asion and relayed it to me, and suddenly I'm head-over-heels. What's more, Belle got ghouled on Lussuria by Serpent, a real quality player, too. I forgot how much I loved writing, back when Feruche had cohesion. It's like crack, with fewer regrets, less expenses and a high that lasts. Can't say much for my appetite or free time, though...

And I got to talk to la mente hermosa again. Where the hell is her girl?

I'm out of AP Physics. I found a great series, The Wire. I'm doing well. The fuck ups of the fall are behind me now. I'm feeling good. If I could just stop procrastinating so much, I'd have it made.

This is the meaning of life.

How do I make this last?

"Lied awake, waiting like a target,
Listening for things I cannot see.
Insects flutter up against my window;
I don't like the way they look at me.

I guess I've always needed... to be needed by someone.
It's sick and but a feelin',
Being under someone's thumb."
The Boy Least Likely to - Be Gentle With Me

"Take my love, take my land.
Take me where I cannot stand.
I don't care; I'm still free.
You can't take the sky from me.

Take me out to the black.
Tell them I ain't comin' back.
Burn the land and boil the sea;
You can't take the sky from me.

There's no place I can't be
Since I found serenity.
You can't take the sky from me."
Sonny Rhodes - (slightly altered) Ballad of Serenity

I logged on to DeviantArt today and saw 1 message waiting for me. Another system-wide message, I though. I ought to go delete it so I'll notice when someone important has posted - but lo, it WAS someone important posting. Someone very important to me. Someone who has left tracks across the sands of my heart, and despite the constant tide that ravages its way in and out, those prints have remained with me, unforgotten, despite the fact that I thought I'd never see their maker again. It's been a year or so, after all, since I really got to talk to her.

"You were fighting... every day...
So hard to hide the pain.
I know you never said goodbye.
I had so much left to say..."
Sevendust - Angel's Son

You aren't gone, though, and for that simple fact, I am happy once more. The first thing I read was the fact that you're listening to Blue October lately. Into The Ocean, no less - one of my absolute favorite songs as of late.

And then I read about how you're feeling lately. How I have felt. How I will, quite likely, feel again.

"And I act like a child, and I'm insecure,
And I'm filled with doubt, and I'm immature.
Sometimes it creeps up on me, and before I know it
I'm lost at sea."
Brendan Benson - What I'm Looking For

You say you feel low on self-esteem, and I say PAH. Self-esteem, self-confidence, the whole "I can do anything" shebang is over rated, I say. So you don't know if you can do it. Maybe you don't think you have a chance. Maybe you are not even sure what you ought to be trying. All that is unimportant, though. The fact is, you're still here - and that counts for something. You've made it this far. If you so desire, you'll keep on going for a mighty long time. Sure, there are bumps along the road, and you may even fall down, but if you keep trying, you'll make it.

You don't have to be the best at everything. You don't even need to be the best at one thing. You don't always have to know what to do. Your teachers are right; you are a bright girl. I can say that with certainty despite having only known you through an electronic medium - briefly, at that.

Despite being somewhat bruised, you're a bright, gleaming, delicious red apple. Don't worry about the bruises. All the apples have bruises, and plenty have their share of worms, too - they're just hard to see because they polish themselves so much, and like the Wicked Witch from Snow White, take a bite out of the other side, pretending there's nothing wrong. You are not alone in this orchard.

Your advice is welcome and I'd do well to remember it. I ask that you take care to heed it as well. Ten cuidado, alma bella. Tengo muchos embrazos para ti.

---

"I've got a smile on my face, and I've got four walls around me
I've got the sun in the sky, ah, the water surrounds me, oh you know
Yeah, I'll win now but sometimes I'll lose
I've been battered, but I'll never bruise ... it's not so bad.

And I say way-hey-hey, it's just an ordinary day
And it's all your state of mind
At the end of the day,
You've just got to say ... it's all right.

Janie sings on the corner, what keeps her from dying
Let 'em say what they want, but she won't stop tryin', oh you know
She might stumble, if they push her around
She might fall, but she'll never lie down ... it's not so bad.

And I say way-hey-hey, it's just an ordinary day
And it's all your state of mind
At the end of the day,
You've just got to say ... it's all right.

'Cause it's alright, it's alright.
It's alright!

And I say way-hey-hey, it's just an ordinary day
And it's all your state of mind
At the end of the day,
You've just got to say ... it's all right.

And I say way-hey-hey, it's just an ordinary day
And it's all your state of mind
At the end of the day,
You've just got to say ... it's all right.

In this beautiful life, there's always some sorrow (ooh ooh)
And it's a double edged knife, but there's always tomorrow, oh you know
It's up to you now if you sink or swim,
Just keep the faith and your ship will come in ... it's not so bad.

'Cause I've got a smile on my face, and I've got four walls around me."
Great Big Sea - Ordinary Day